Relatable?

Words left unspoken

Run through my veins

And poison my soul

Can you not sense

The cost of this toll

Silenced by demons

For uttering what passed

NOT trying to live there

But to get past

If you’re on a journey

To which no one can relate

Don’t let the enemy

Use that as bait

Whatever it takes to be free

Look neither left or right

Remember the Lord

In all of His might

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭23‬:‭1‬-‭6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

A Tribute to a Queen; and a laugh at cowering haters. 🤩

Still I Rise

BY MAYA ANGELOU

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

’Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops,

Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don’t you take it awful hard

’Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines

Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I’ve got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame

I rise

Up from a past that’s rooted in pain

I rise

I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise.

At Attention

Formidable opponents 

cannot oppose the Defender of my soul.

My job is to stand

And take Him at His Word.

Female soldiers

Who can restrain… 

What you can’t understand

And God has ordained.

…true story

From you I learned

To burn myself at the stake

Every single part of myself

Not approved of by you

Thrown to the fire

Surrendered to wolves

And worse

To fulfill your desires

Thrown to the fire

We all play different roles

In individual’s stories

You will never acknowledge

The role you played in mine

Because it will destroy

Who you tell yourself

And people

That you are…

So here I am,

Learning

From heinous scars

April: National Poetry Month…

In honor of National Poetry Month, I will be sharing some of my original poetry – which I inwardly frame as “emotive expression.” Writing poetry isn’t new for me; sharing it, is. Like any creative work, it’s not for everyone. Be advised that my poetry is evocative, heavy/light and everything in between. Most importantly, it’s covered by Grace. I write for myself, and if you find resonance, it’s for you too.

Life After Cancer…

Life. Life is a trip, and also a gift. And, life goes on after cancer. For me, life after cancer has been a lot of things. It’s been a blessing. It has also been difficult. Just because my cancer is gone does not mean that I feel better. Adjusting to the loss of my thyroid has proven to be very difficult. My energy is sluggish. I cannot eat without the assistance of cannabis-yet, my weight is high and unstable. Life after cancer may never be the same as it used to be. One thing is for sure though. As long as I have breath in my body-I will never take this life for granted.

Still Here

Wow, it’s been about 6 months since I have written. It is amazing how much being chronically ill takes out of me. Today has been a “bed day.” Too much pain to do anything. Thoughts–too sporadic to write anything meaningful. I am writing anyway. 

The body scan to check on the status of my cancer is in a few weeks. I am pretty anxious about it. It’s hard to chill in the face of a terrifying diagnosis. Having cancer times 2 is scary. 

Life goes on. As I say-we either rise to the occasion, or not. I choose to rise. 

PAIN

She paints her lips red. Inside she feels dead.

This pain that never leaves, 

I wear it like a sleeve.

Cancer (2) Chronicles (7:14), part 3:

Hello friends, it’s been awhile. I come to you “en vivo”, post op, and from the Gateway to the West. Pathology came back, and my cancer-was in fact cancer. Again. 

Surgery was hard. It was extremely painful, on top of the chronic pain that I suffer daily. The surgery pain is finally tolerable. So-the tumor grew outside of my thyroid, with local lymphovascular invasion. The entire right lobe of my thyroid was removed, resulting in a complete thyroidectomy. 

I have felt horrible since the surgery. My energy levels are wavering, and my body temperature will not seem to regulate properly. Thus, I have been having horrible night sweats. My body is confused without it’s thyroid. 

Radiation is indicated for my case. I am not looking forward to it-BUT-I have to remain positive because I have so much to be thankful for!! Thank God, and my primary care doctor that the cancer was discovered early!! Thank God my children have their health!! Thank God I have access to world class medical care!! Things truly, could always be worse. 

With that being said, I am going to say my prayers and go to sleep. Goodnight for now, friends. 

 

Til Death Do Us Part?

Til death do us part. Is this how long we will be together chronic pain? You are the constant companion that I never asked to share my life with. You are the nagging that won’t let me sleep right now. You are the author of doubt-doubt that I will ever be the same again.

Cancer (2) Chronicles (7:14): part 2

PSA: There is no “good” cancer. There are subtypes, varieties and stages of every cancer. There are also RARE mixed sclerosing cancers that tend to come back. So please, never tell somebody with cancer that at least they have a GOOD CANCER. Yes, God is good. Cancer is not-especially in the context of 10,000 other health problems. Not to mention surgery, loss of an important gland, and radiation for starters.